All of the symptoms of initiation, including mundane upheaval, extensive self examination, having a crisis of faith, questioning your sanity, the destruction of relationships, the whole nine yards, can be experienced by Polytheists who have intense devotional relationships with their deities. As someone who has undergone alchemical initiation, I can tell you: it doesn’t have to continue to suck. Other traditions have rituals and purifications to deal with this kind of thing.
If you feel like your deity is hitting you over and over again with a rolled up newspaper, is fucking with your life, has become cruel and nasty, or is possessing you against your will, this is a bug, not a feature. If you take some sort of pleasure in this state, by all means, have at. My kink is not better than your kink.
If you want it to get better? I submit, for your approval, some articles which may help you to understand the situation, and some tools which can help you to correct the problem.
Here are some of the practices, broken down in a less ponderous way:
Other Articles I have written on Gnosis: