Harmonia told me two stories. I keep wanting to reference them in conversation, and then realizing that I heard the parables from a deity, and that no one would get the reference. Here they are, in full.

The King and The Mountain

Once, there was a great and powerful King. He was powerful, and had conquered many surrounding kingdoms. His armies were beyond compare. So greatly was he esteemed by his people that they worshipped him as a god.

“There is no one who would dare disobey me!” Said the King.

It happened that the King was leading his armies to an unclaimed territory where it was rumored that there was gold and silver beyond measure. Yet on the way to that territory — a valley, as it turned out — there was an obstacle. Before them stood a broad mountain.

The King addressed the mountain.

“Mountain!” he called. “Listen as I address you as a goddess! I am on my way to the valley of gold and silver, and you are in my way. As I am King throughout all these lands, and as all those who live in my kingdom worship me, and since you are not worshipped, I declare that my status is greater than yours. Therefore, move.”

The mountain did not move.

“Mountain!” called the King again, “I do not wish quarrel with you! However, I am worshipped as a god of war, mighty in battle. I am with my army. Move, or I shall be forced to attack.”

The mountain did not move. The King gave the order and the knights stabbed at the foothills, hacking at tree roots.

“Mountain!” called the King a third time, “I have conquered you! I own you! Now move!”

But the mountain did not move, because, in the end, who worships a person, how much mythos and authority they have, how famous and esteemed they are, these are just games.

No matter how well the King played that game, he could not force the mountain to play it.

The Cloud Rabbit-Duck

Once, two friends were lying together on a hill, looking at clouds.

“That one’s a train” said the first.

“Yup.” Agreed the second. “And that’s a rabbit.”

“Where?” asked the first, and seeing where the second had pointed, returned, “No, it’s a duck.”

“Not a duck, a rabbit!”

“A duck if a duck ever was! Why, you can just see, it eats wilted greens.”

“Those greens aren’t wilted, they’re fresh. That’s obviously lettuce.”

“Well, if you can’t see that it’s a duck, you must just be stupid.”

“No, you’re stupid!”

And the two argued until they resolved never to speak to one another again, even though the cloud was neither a rabbit, nor a duck. It would never eat wilted or fresh greens because it was a collection of water droplets suspended in the air.

And that is what 90% of all human arguments sound like to me.