At Pantheacon, I went to a ritual for Freya. I had been sitting with a number of people in the Pandemos hospitality suite after a long and extremely (read: excessively) social weekend. After trying, unsuccessfully, to leave the suite several times, losing my badge, my shoes, my room key, my whatever, or being stopped just in the nick of time by the arrival of more guests, I turned to the people who were with us and said, “We are going to go support other Polytheists at the con. Why don’t you join us?” The ritual was beautiful. Rather than focusing on altar service, there was much in the way of ritual drama, singing, and of course, Freya riding her priestesses. I wanted very much to interact with Freya, primarily out of curiosity, partly because people I knew were priestessing (Pandemos has a lot of overlap with the Bay Area Norse community), and a little bit because I had gotten to do literally nothing else in the program that Pandemos didn’t have its name on. The following conversation bears relating:

I approached to Freya after being waved over, and she took my hands.

Freya: Hello my child… ah, but you are not my child. You belong to Hermes.

Me: … [Psychically: Belong to?]

Freya: Not that a person can be property, or belong to another person. He’s claimed you.

Me: … [Psychically: No.]

Freya: Marked you.

Me: … [Psychically: … Nnno.]

Freya: That *is* what you wanted, wasn’t it?

Me: …? [Psychically: You’ve met me, right?]

Freya: What your heart wanted?

Me:[Psychically: let me help you out here] I love him. [Psychically: That’s how that works. I have feelings, and I act on them. The feelings I have are my responsibility. The feelings he has are his responsibility] If I have a concern, it is perhaps losing myself in the intensity of that love.

Freya: (her face lights up with understanding) Ahh. Then the key is to love and respect yourself. If you do that, he’ll follow suit.

First of all, mad props to the priestess who was carrying her. Yes. The goddess was literally responding to the astral thoughts out loud. Later, Freya followed up with me on that conversation, astrally.

Freya: I’m really amused that you don’t think that Hermes has claimed you.

Me: What you are sensing is his energy inside my aura. That… that is what happens when you fuck a deity. Their energy winds up in your aura. Over and over and over again.

Freya: But the energy has a message to it. It’s like a sign. It clearly says, ‘mine.’

Me: No, my dear, it says not yours. I am like a pile of Tostitos, covered in Nacho.

Freya: Nacho?

Me: Yes. Cheese that isn’t yours. Nacho cheese. But that’s not all Hermes’s doing. Mostly, it’s my doing, actually. If he has taken my ‘Beware of Dog’ sign and empowered it with his divine essence, I will most certainly not complain.

To be clear, though, I am dedicated to Hermes. I am very committed to that relationship. What really interests me is the difference in perspective. Whereas I seem to think of dedication as my choice and responsibility, a culmination of my passions, and something done because of how I feel, Freya’s perspective seems to place me in the passive role, the object of affection rather than the one having the affection, the one being loved, rather than the one doing the loving, Hermes as my patron, rather than me as his… whatever the hell I am. Person. Interested in his well-being.

Not sure what to make of that.

Edit: Upon reflection? For me at least, having passions about someone else is a lot less scary than receiving the passion of someone else. That might explain the themes in those conversations.