In the course of meditation, and generally having one’s psychic ears open, one overhears and participates in some really rather entertaining conversations with deities. The short, snappy dialogues can be found on this page, and are updated when noteworthy conversations occur.
Fuck, Mary or Kill
Hera: But if you did have a choice, if you could do it over again… whom would you mary? Apollon? Dionysos? or Hermes?
Thenea: Oh! Oh! I know this game! Frat boys play it! It’s called “Fuck, Mary, or Kill.”
Hera: What’s this?
Thenea: Like this… I name three people, and you have to choose one to have sex with, one to marry, and one to kill.
Hera: Sure. But we shouldn’t play it with anyone in this pantheon.
Thenea: Osiris, Tyr and Lugh.
Hera: Well, Osiris is already dead, and has a wooden penis. I’d kill him.
Hera: I don’t know Lugh. What’s he a god of?
Thenea: Of being good at everything.
Hera: Mary that one, then, definitely.
Thenea: Good choice! I’d make that choice… given the options.
Hera: But he’s also Mercury, isn’t he? 😉
Thenea: Damn you…
Hera: I guess that leaves me with Tyr. And he’s only got one hand. But it’s only once. I’d endure.
Hera: … This is a good game.
On second thought, let’s get a note-taker
Harmonia: To create harmony between heaven and earth, you need to have compromises on both sides, and each side must take into consideration the needs of the other.
Harmonia: The religion you had took into account the needs of the ancient Greeks, but not the modern Greeks. So we need a new religion, really. We really need to start over from scratch. And we have to ask ourselves: what should this new religion look like?
Hermes: Uhm. Like the old one, except we stop being douches to humans.
Harmonia: But you have to consider WHY some deities — or spirits impersonating deities — actually, now that I think about it, I think it doesn’t matter. A deity has to be responsible for how they are presented. If they can’t even control that, what can they be trusted to control? Speaking of that — how is your friend over there.
Hermes: Oh man, don’t start up with the nonsense about Odin, again. He’s dealing with human-sacrifice empowered telesmatic images created by Nazi wizards. That sort of thing puts a bloke behind the eight ball.
Harmonia: Fascinating — but– we’re getting distracted. Let’s not get distracted. — Or, on second thought… I’m an itinerant alcoholic and you’re the god of ADHD. We might want to call someone in as a note-taker to keep us on track.
Spit or Swallow
Harmonia: No. Peace is not the absence of War. When tyrants reign and people are choking on their rage and misery, that is not Peace. Imagine, if you will, a sky pregnant with electricity, heavy with roiling clouds, but the storm will not break. The tension hangs, strangling the air. War is the breaking of that storm. So no, I don’t avoid bloodshed. Sometimes, that is exactly what the doctor ordered. Sometimes, War is the only path to Peace. How else is Ares my father?
Apollon: I see what you are saying, but I think we are all just… slightly taken aback at the sheer brutality you can sometimes display.
Harmonia: I am the mother of the Primordial Maenad. I am the daughter of Bloodshed and Sensuality. Yes, everyone wants me around because they want Peace. But sometimes, they summon me by force into a situation where they are desecrating everything I stand for. And the storm breaks. And I am fire and terror. Because what else can I be in the midst of bitter oppression?
Apollon: That all sounds very reasonable, but smacks of sophistry when you are standing before me covered in the blood of your enemies. I wonder if you have lost your notion of restraint.
Harmonia: This is a time of oppression. And I was fighting in panther form. And of course I have a notion of restraint. Father tells me I mustn’t eat people, and I don’t. Which is harder than you might imagine, sometimes. I mean, when you’ve got to dispatch someone, and the combat situation ends with their skull being crushed in your jaws, you kind of wind up in a spit or swallow situation. Although I’m not sure how swallowing makes it any worse. If you already have a dick in your mouth, it’s not swallowing that makes you a whore. If you already have a dick in your mouth, it seems to me that you may as well go for broke.
Apollon: I will remember that the next time I have a dick in my mouth.
Me: “Ok, setting aside an hour to meditate with you.”
Hermes: “An hour? A whole hour? Like 60 minutes?” (Draws a circle in the air with his index finger)
Me: “That is generally how long an hour is. Except in New York where it is 55 minutes.”
Me: So. What do you want to do? Work on a problem? Tell me a message?
Hermes: I wanna play Pokemon Go
Me: I didn’t download it.
Hermes: Could you?
Me: O… kay? (sets up download, puts iphone on his altar)
Hermes: Yaaaaay! I am so going to kick Loki’s butt at this game.
Hermes and Ares
Hermes: I don’t get it. Why is Harmonia all with the war-mongering right now? Isn’t she a goddess of peace?
Ares: Peace and Harmony are not the same. Peace can mean living in misery but without bloodshed. She seeks the communal good. Sometimes the path to
that is Love. In this case, she thinks War might work better.
Hermes: I won’t bother asking if you agree.
Ares: (shrugs sheepishly) When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
Trash Can Deities
Hermes: “This might rude to ask, and if so, I’m sorry, but exactly how do you count spiritual harm and good?”
Thenea: “Uh… well. Efficacy, I guess. How well I’m doing at my mundane life, how much spiritual insight I’m getting and how useful it is, but also physical and emotional health.”
Hermes: “So, three things — success, knowledge and well being.”
Hermes: “Those are reasonable. Very reasonable. I can do that. I can do all of that… but I can’t speak for any other deity. I can only make promises for myself. But seriously, if there is a deity who says that they can’t or won’t do that, they can go in the garbage can. And you can go ahead and put the trash lid right down onto their sad, frowning face.”
My Kingdom For Some Context
Athena: “She seems to have opted for more traditional breast bindings, as opposed to the modern breast-shelves which make the girls stand up at attention and salute.”
The Longest Con
Hermes: “I’m not actually a trickster, I just fooled everyone into thinking that.
Thenea: “Dude. I so totally had forgotten about Medea’s black ram sacrifices in the Argonautica. What I could do is to throw a bottle, maybe one that could hold a little less than a litter, with a separate top, then sculpt ram parts onto it, so it looks like a sitting ram, but then the head pops off and you can pour libations out of it.”
Hekate: !!!!! *flails* !!!! *Jumps up and down* !!!! *Looks momentarily like she might explode* “Yes! Yes, do that! All what you said!”
Haides, on Summer
“This is the time when I am reconciled by my wife. She is life eternal, springing forth. This is the time for counting the souls who are to be reborn in the coming year. They are sent to the upper reaches of the underworld, from our domain far below, waiting to be met by the seed which is emplanted after the ploughing.
Had Demeter not meddled, there would never be any need, any more, for souls to be held in the Underworld at all, but rather, they would spring forth as soon as they had died, and I would be content to receive my due portion of offerings, and to rule over my children who are, as of now, forever born into the world above, away from my domain.
But now, as it is, die in the Summer, if you have a choice.”
A Kind of Beauty
Hermes: “Falling in love is something that’s going to happen with a subset of the people you surround yourself with.
Some people say it is self-serving to chose friends and lovers because of their potential, but is that really worse than doing so because they happen to be pretty?
I choose to be with people with creativity, drive and intellect. That is my analog. That is beauty, for me.”
Mortals Who Question The Gods
Aphrodite: “Easy people seldom accomplish much. In all my years, I’ve never seen anyone submissive and compliant change the world. Gods accept that, unless they want to be surrounded exclusively by mediocre humans, they’ve got to learn to love difficult ones.”
Dionysos and Hermes
Overheard, regarding some mortal woman or other
Dionysos: *sigh* “She is so effortless in her beauty, so graceful.”
Hermes: “Yeah, the shitty thing is, she doesn’t even know it. Or doesn’t appreciate it.”
Dionysos: “That’s always the way with mortal women.”
Hermes: “Yup. Then they get old, and they look back on the beauty they never enjoyed, and somehow imagine that, at the time, they enjoyed it. And they mourn it.”
The Retrograde, Part I
Thenea: Gosh. Hermes. You’re all sweaty.
Hermes: (falls down onto the bed, says into a pillow) F’king retrograde…
The Retrograde, Part II
Hermes: (falls down dramatically on the floor beside me)
Thenea: When did you have time to grow a full beard? I last saw you three hours ago!
Hermes: …It’s been a long day.
Ariadne: If a man can have more than one wife, why, I declare, a woman should be able to have more than one husband.
Themis: I don’t think that would work. I mean, it would lead to bedlam!
Ariadne: Bedlam! Women marrying men, plural! Men marrying horses! Horses marrying other horses! Sheep marrying cars! WHEN WILL IT END? — Or maybe consenting adults are different than vehicles and barnyard animals. Go home, Themis, you’re drunk.
Love Goddesses and Uranus.
Thenea: I never really grocked Aphrodite.
Ares: You beautifully described her, earlier: her ability to see beauty in all people, and the value of love.
Thenea: Right. I know what a love goddess is. But that doesn’t mean that I grock Aphrodite in particular. It’s like… I know that Uranus is roughly a sphere, because it’s a planet, but I doubt I could immediately pick it out in a line up.
Ariadne’s Markup Language
Apollon: “It seems to me as though you are awfully reticent to answer prayers through gnosis.”
Ariadne: “I’m just doing what I’m doing. You know? Lallygagging on the astral just isn’t my thing. It’s Hermes’ thing. For sure. And he’s good at it. Really damn good at it. Explaining the metaphysical universe to humans is like, his whole deal.”
Apollon: “Answering prayers doesn’t mean explaining the metaphysical universe.”
Ariadne: “Except — Fuck Me — Freedom is my Holy Thing. And so many people are just looking to be told what to do. Hermes, he’s all calm and diplomatic about it, patiently explaining how a thing works. Me? I look at people in spiritual bondage, and my explication can’t end without an F-bomb. Or Six F-Bombs. It usually starts with an F-bomb, too. It’s like a goddamn markup language.
< fuck > Seriously, no matter what you heard, no matter what you think, you are free. One thinking being has no right to own or dictate terms for another being. Gender, race and divine status are irrelevant. < / fuck >
And then no one listens, and I just < fuck >F-Bomb< / fuck > some more. So if people aren’t ready for that? I know enough to keep my mouth shut.
How I Know When Hermes Is Mad At Me
Hermes: (looking at his fingernails) “Mm?”
Thenea: “Where are every single one of my left shoes? ”
Hermes: (smiles slightly without looking up) “Haven’t seen ’em”
How I Know When Hermes Is No Longer Mad At Me
Thenea: “Hermes, I thought you said you didn’t take my left shoes.”
Hermes: “I didn’t”
Thenea: “Then why, now, are they all mysteriously piled next to your altar.”
Hermes: “That was Dionysos. It was a long story.”
Flavors of Wicca
Names changed to protect the innocent
Hermes: Will you raise your children in my faith?
Thenea: Children have free will. I’ll raise them to value hospitality and humility, and to keep an open mind about the people who live in stories.
Hermes: But you’ll tell them about me, right?
Thenea: Of course. How could I not? But you know, I can’t make promises about what they’ll believe or practice. My husband is sort of … disparaging of polytheism.
Hermes: What if he died? What would you do then?
Thenea: Be quite sad and lonely, I imagine.
Hermes: Oh, I’d make sure you weren’t lonely. Hook you up with some beardy gamer with a pony tail. Maybe you could join the Blackberry Tribe.
Thenea: The… The what?
Hermes: That thing Deidre does.
Thenea: (laughs) Do you mean Black Forest Wicca?
Hermes: That’s the one. Blackberry Wicca. With the digital Books of Shadow and such.
Thenea: Blackberry Wicca… and it’s off-shoots: Strawberry Wicca, Raspberry Wicca and Cherry Wicca.
Hermes: And Diet Cherry Wicca, for the Pagans who are watching their waistline.
A Lover’s Quarrel
Names of humans have been changed to protect the innocent.
Ariadne: Dionysos, what you did to Michael was disreputable. He’s your fucking priest. If this is how you treat your devout, why would anyone ever devote to you?
Dionysos: This is literally none of your goddamn business.
Ariadne: Do you even WANT a healthy, functioning cult?
Dionysos: (sighs and rolls his eyes) Here we go again.
Ariadne: He is looking to you for spiritual guidance. He devoted to you with the understanding that you’d help him, spiritually. If you can’t do that, you can at least not fuck up his life. You’ve started fights between him and other mortals. At least go clean that up.
Dionysos: Ariadne, I’m a god. And I don’t have to listen to you.
Ariadne: I’m sorry, but we don’t have time for me to find a unicorn to ride into town on.
Dionysos: A wha-??
Ariadne: A fucking unicorn. You heard me.
Dionysos: A unicorn? Why do we need a unicorn?
Ariadne: A physical unicorn. And to clarify the town: Chicago. Because I am just as likely to find a physical unicorn and ride it into downtown Chicago as I am to find a deity in all the heavens who you will listen to. Now get off your lilly-white ass, put down the kylix and go tend to that mess.
[several deities chuckle in the background]
Dionysos: (sighs, gets up) Yes ma’am.
Zeus and Hermes, Discussing My Recent Misbehavior
Hermes: I’m sorry, Dad. I think she just finds this set of challenges to be particularly difficult.
Zeus: I don’t care what she finds. If she doesn’t settle down and stop shooting her mouth off, she’s going to find my foot up her ass.
Hermes on Myth
Hermes: Out of the bag, a deity’s got no sense of what mythology used to be. He or she can ask and learn and study, but out of the bag, all they know is the mythical past, present and future that exist right now. Like if Artemis wasn’t always a virgin goddess. I could learn that, and know that, like a fact you learn in a history book. But I wouldn’t remember it. I guess it’s like… it’s like deities reincarnate as themselves in every generation. As your understanding of us is reborn, so are we. What I remember is the past, present and future that reflects your current understanding of my pantheon.
Dionysos on Slavery
Thenea: Do you have god-slaves?
Dionysos: I should fucking hope not.
Thenea: Do you not know?
Dionysos: Anyone who would sacrifice freedom, for any reason, is basically so far outside of my realm of influence that I can’t hear or see them anymore. They might be “worshipping” me. You know. In that way that people who use disposable plates in their indoor rituals might be “worshipping” Artemis. That way that kind of invalidates the deity’s entire raison d’être, shits on all of their values, and then rocket kicks them in their Platonic Ideals.
Sometimes, We Exaggerate
Thenea: You were totally right. I spend like, a million hours a day, dicking around on FaceBook.
Hermes: Yeah! You know, if you had taken all the time you wasted reading shitty articles on the inter webs, and spent that same time meditating with me, you would be able to levitate and shoot freshly baked cookies out of your ass.
Thenea: … wait, what?
Hermes: Ok, I made the last thing up. About the cookies.
Hermes, Hekate, and Feminism
Hermes: I think this ritual you are writing should distinguish between the wayside and the cross-roads as related, but mystically distinct. The main place where the roads intersect is mine, of course. Those little strips along the side of the road can be sacred to Hekate.
Hekate: … misogynist!
Thenea: Come now, Hekate. I don’t think Hermes is a misogynist.
Hekate: Oh? Why not?
Thenea: You’d have to be a special kind of stupid to think that you can bed more women by disliking them and being mean to them than by respecting them and treating them nicely.
Hekate: I suppose, unless your plan is to force yourself on women.
Thenea: That will only get you so far. That sort of aggression is like playing Russian Roulette with your dick. Eventually, one of those ladies is going to have a knife in her boot, and then you can say goodbye to Captain One-Eye.
Hekate: …. So crude! Exactly what kind of goddess do you think you are speaking to, Thenea?
Thenea: The kind with a knife in her boot.
Dionysos on “Dropping Out”
Dionysos: I am a god of contradictions.
Thenea: Impossible. There are no contradictions. There are no gods of green colorless frogs, because, by self-deffinition, they do not exist. You can’t be a deity of something that doesn’t exist.
Dionysos: A person can be both happy and sad. Is that not a contradiction?
Thenea: A shirt can be both red and blue. It’s the same. Again, not a contradiction. It is simply two contrasting things sharing a single space. I will concede the point, in fact, that you are a contradiction, if you can bring up a solitary example of a contradiction that exists within the universe.
Dionysos: Hermes lies. A lie is when you contradict yourself.
Thenea: No, a lie is when you try to convince someone else of falsity. People hold mistaken beliefs all the time. A contradiction is when something is simultaneously true AND false, and I assure you, it doesn’t actually happen. If it appears to, it simply argues that you don’t really understand a situation.
Dionysos: I think what I’m actually trying to say is that I, as a god, am not bound by logic.
Thenea: But you are. You can be in denial about it all you like, but a person, using logic, can figure out all sorts of things about your existence.
Dionysos: No they can’t!
Thenea: The part of you that exists within the universe is bound by its laws. A person playing a Dungeons and Dragons game can say that the rules of that game don’t apply to their character all they like. Their character can say that. But at the end of the day, the GM makes a call about what things are cannon, in terms of the chronicle, and that call is made in accordance with the rules. It isn’t that you, or your character, aren’t bound by those rules, it’s just that you’ve stopped playing, functionally. Either you aren’t playing, or your character is deluded about what is actually going on, but the delusion doesn’t change the facts of things.
Dionysos: It doesn’t, I suppose, if only one person stops playing by the rules. But if I can convince everyone to stop playing by the rules, then mass hysteria gives way to revolution. If we all share a common madness, then that madness becomes the new reality. Reality is corrupt. By accepting its rules as a given, you support a corrupt institution. I refuse. I refuse to be degraded, or to allow others to be degraded. Reality says pain and suffering? I say no. And yes, if it is only me, then I’m deluded. But it isn’t only me. You want to be bound by craving, and clinging, and shame, and senseless pain, and humiliation? You go right the fuck ahead. You want this nightmare to end? Then dance in my footsteps.
Hermes and Google
As I search google.com for images of Hermes
Hermes: That is a cute picture of me, yes? Do you think I look cute in a helmet?
Oh, that’s not me, but it’s cool, cause J.C. and I are totally tight.
I am friends with that lady who is plucking her eyebrows.
Thenea: Gosh, that’s a terrible picture of you.
Hermes: That is a thing that happened one time. I was so unimpressed by what that guy was saying that my clothes fell off.
“You might imagine that I am beautiful, as I am the daughter of Aphrodite. But I am not. And the more power and privilege you have, the uglier I am.”
“I know I’m not easy, Zeus. Gods all know, I’m not easy. And Kings never love me much. It’s why you sold me. Or married me off — The difference between marriage and slavery in the old culture was always lost on me. And you know how it turned out for you. And now you want me back. But you have got to know what it will cost you. Don’t call me back unless you are ready to pay.”
“What I want to understand is why the white lady in church is always described as screaming.”
“I am utterly devoid of fucks to give about what you think you are entitled to receive without working for it.”
“You are very adorable, Olympian, and if you do as much as delay the progress of magical science for half an hour, I will snap you in half.”
“What do you mean ‘who am I?’ This is cold hard reality giving you a ring, courtesy of Moi. I am the ‘Oh Goddess’ of Hangovers, pumpkin. Time for your wake-up call!”
“Dio… Dionysos, c’mere. Come here. I want to shave you! No. No place specific. Just everywhere. Wait, where are you going?”
[To Zeus] “Yes, I am drunk. Is that a problem? Oh shit, where are my manners? Would you like some Ouzo?”
“I’m sort of fat. Fat because, like many lesbians, I don’t give a shit about your heteronormative beauty standards which dictate that women should be dainty. Only sort of fat because, actually, I’m bi, so half of me kind of actually does give a shit. A little.”
[To a mortal] “No, questioning whether the thing that shows up on the astral is a deity isn’t called Hubris. It’s called common sense. Any asshole can get up next to you on the astral and pretend to be a god. Before you worship anything, you had better question it, if you know what is good for you.”
[To a Psi vamp] “Better to feed from gods than mortals. In fact, feeding from gods is a good way to test them. Feed until you can’t possibly hold any more. If it is a deity, you won’t hurt them. If it’s not they’ll implode. If they implode? Good fucking riddance.”
“Look deeply into your heart, and ask yourself: what is my one unreasonable wish? If you could change the whole world on a whim, just one change, no matter how ugly or selfish, no matter how stupid, what would that change be? That unreasonable wish is who you are, and the deity who shares that unreasonable wish with you is the deity closest to your heart. With all of your heart pursue that deity, and together, you shall be unstoppable.”
[Of a random male deity] “Where did he go? I’m not sure. Where would you go if you were a patriarchal bag of dicks who got shut down by a gaggle of women drinking whiskey and smoking pipe tobacco?”
Hermes Sings A Song He Wrote About His Feelings
“Oh my brother is a dick
He is a stupid dick
I’d tell him to behave but
I know that it won’t stick
Cuz he knows every thing
Yes every freakin’ thing
And it is not your fault
Though you will feel the sting
Oh my priest Menifee
He’s got a PhD
But my brother don’t listen
No not even to me
Cause no matter what he knows
Or how the wind blows
He’ll do what he’ll do
And we’ll reap what he sows
And he is still a dick
Yeah a big freakin’ prick
And if he doesn’t stop
I’ll hit him with a stick”
Hermes Sings A Song About “Ninety Percent of Greek Mythology”
“I just met you
And this is craaaaaz-zy
But I’m immortal
So have my baby!”
WHO IS RESPONSIBLE THIS?
Ariadne: “Seriously, Apollon. This is how I know that Orpheus was right, and that it was my husband who created the universe. I feel like every time I look at some aspect of metaphysical reality, all I can do is splutter and stammer.
What do you mean there is no ethical bar for people to pass before becoming deities? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE THIS?
Heaven? Hell? Tartarus? Way stations where souls are detained without living or reincarnating? WHO IS RESPONSIBLE THIS?
What do you mean that karma has no pedagogical imperative?! WHO IS RESPONSIBLE THIS?!
And I throw my hands up in the air, and declare that all the heavens and most of the Earth was designed by a madman in his maddest hour. And then I look at the mess that someone made in my house, and recognize that self-same emotional response. For me? I need no other proof that Dionysos is an incarnation of that first-born, self-generated soul who brought all things into being”
Hermes is a Crotchety Old Man
Dionysos: What is going on? Every time I turn around, lately, I find you plotting with Hermes.
Ariadne: Number one, what makes you think we are plotting?
Dionysos: Because Hermes. And also, you.
Ariadne: Number two, why not Hermes?
Dionysos: Hermes is a crotchety old man!
Ariadne: Yeah? Well, so am I!
When Hermes Apologizes
Hermes: “I am sorry.”
Thenea: “What… what are you sorry about? Hermes? What did you do?”
Hermes: (rubbing his eyes with one hand) “I am sorry. About. All the things.”
Thenea: “I guess I’ll find out later?”
Hermes: (nodding regretfully) “Yeah…”
Zeus Hymns Ariadne
Hail to the Lady of the Golden Klew
For whom Kronides is grateful
Her stature is righteous,
Her handiwork, pure.
Unassailable in wisdom
And of unquestionable strength
Her mouth is open
Shouting down the ignoble
Forever on her lips are words of truth
If it is before her
That you have begun to fall
Then Tyranny is your bedfriend
Wickedness your confidant
Look not to your spear for help
For her voice can shatter cedars
Look not to your sheild to defense
For the strongest steel cannot undo treachery
Lo, the enemies of Kronides fall
Harsh Winter gives way to Blessed Spring
And the flower beds are watered with dew
Open the new wine and toast her
Open the old wine and pour for her
For this is Freedom’s sacrament.
Hermes on False Gods
Hermes: You know me, I’m a basic guy. I do what I’m told, I run my errands, and I do my best to be kind.
But there are some creatures in this world who are looking to get something for nothing.
You know, honestly? If I was mortal, and libating to, I dunno, Athena? And what looked like Athena showed up, but wasn’t wise? I’d drink the whole damn thing I’d offered all up right in front of her — whoever she might be — because faith isn’t limitless. And though I may be Prince of Thieves? I’m getting a bit tired of these robbers…
Apollon: Why is it that the people who have a poor relationship with logic never seem to irrationally believe in the inherent spiritual goodness of deities? The “logic” always seems to be something like,
A. Since gods are different than us
B. Also powerful
We can conclude that:
C. We will never ever understand even the most basic things about them
D. They run around biting the heads off of kittens all day.
WHY DO YOU WORSHIP US IF YOU THINK WE ARE MONSTERS?? If you think that I’m irrationally angry and abusive, not only do I heartily recommend worshipping something that you believe is better than me, but also, I don’t even want your worship. Seriously, if you think I’m an asshole, go away. I don’t want you. I can do better than you.
Peitho and Bia
Bia: Do you respect me?
Peitho: I wouldn’t know.
Bia: I am powerful.
Peitho: Hmph. Power.
Bia: Why does power not impress you?
Peitho: I’ve seen powerful people, people with far more influence over the world than you’ll ever have, the sort of people you wish you had in your back pocket, and don’t. I’ve seen them die miserable and alone on an unattended sick bed. I’ve seen people with power beyond all measure wrap their lips around the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger. People like that are easy to manipulate. Deity or mortal, it matters little. No one goes after that sort of power unless they are terrified. Now, show me that you are clever, wise and good? Then you will have my respect.
No, Not Even Then
Dionysos: Hermes, I was thinking that you and I should move away from the paradigm of separate wives, and assume more of a poly-tribe model.
Hermes: Uh… (glances left, then right, twitches, straightens his chiton) Uhm.
Dionysos: Look. I know you slept with my wife. I’m not mad. You two really get along well. It’s just that I find people are happier when they are open about their expectations.
Peitho: Ariadne, just so we are clear, you may not ascend to my bed.
Ariadne: (Obviously joking) But what if I put on this …sexy hat. (Conjures a fedora and puts it on, raises an eyebrow at Peitho)
Peitho: Still no.
Ariadne: Look. Can we just reframe this conversation for what it is? This is the everybody tell Ariadne what to do with her lady-bits talky-time session. I know that roving lady-bits, uncontrolled by negotiations, are extremely anxiety provoking, but seriously, just chill. We’re all deities, none of us are going to get STDS, and if I get pregnant, I can tell you whose baby it is. It’s mine. Any questions?
Snippets From Meditations With My Mythic Persona
Ariadne: “I thought you two were fighting. Have you made up?”
Hermes: “We were never fighting”
Neanika: “Yes. We’ve ret-conned it. It never happened.”
Ariadne: Goddamn tricksternado…
Neanika on Power and Purpose
“I get it. I get why [deity name redacted] is a dick to mortals. He’d rather be vilified than trivialized. And the gods have suffered enough of that.
But those aren’t the only two choices.
Pursue your purpose. Be tethered to the stars. Draw power from your purpose. Look within and work below.
If your food is external validation, you will always be hungry.”